Is the angst killing you? Is the Thing you are worried about far worse than the actual Thing? Are you tired of feeling tension throughout your neck, shoulders, back, and even your feet? Are you killing yourself over the inevitable outcome of something you cannot control for? Are you getting physically ill with anxiety? Are you dying more quickly by the hour, because the news says this or that, and Polls may seem to indicate... Blah blah blah? “I don’t believe in apocalypse — until the apocalypse comes." "I think nothing is the end of the world until the end of the world.” -Barack Obama Yep. Me too. So is there a coping mechanism which you've found that seems to quash some of the most loathsome symptoms of the ("What in the actual fuck") world you live in? For me, it's often nature. Birds, Trees, Verdant Woodlands, and Rivers, and such. Although lovely sightings of Wild Turkeys, Red Fox, Hawks, Beaver, and even road-kill can take you briefly away from the abyss (for a moment) -- Alas, then it all comes flooding right back in. They are always in your rearview, or on your back, in the form of assholes like Musk and Rogan, and abstract Trial Judges. A good loud scream also helps a bit, or to pound on something. Smashing stuff is a good solid release, but that too is short-lived, and makes most of us look and feel sort of stupid in hindsight. So what can one do besides sedatives, and fictions? MUST BE THE SEASON OF THE WITCH Frankly I don't know, but when people talk about public speaking they relieve their stage-fright stress by imagining everyone naked. I'd love to say that that would work, but not here, and not today. This week even imagining your biggest enemies, being eviscerated, by a truck striking them at high-speed and then stretching their parts across a highway doesn't bring brief relief. But if it did actually happen, That day would become my favorite holiday, after Halloween. It is at this solid blank wall of your countenance that you've come to face several more demons. Here we fear not just the thing, but the thing then grows new longer arms, larger claws, and sharper teeth, and it may soon devour you. The new fear has become larger, more fierce, and far worse than the actual thing ever was. Well, almost, because the Orange Monster is fucking awful, and now so are many of your ex friends. As a kid, anyone watching Nightmare on Elm Street, brought home the real possibility that well after the film ended, a viewer would be visited by the (O.G. Scissor-hands), Freddie Kreuger. The new fear of the original "FEAR" becoming a portable specter, revisiting you at home. (in your dreams). The evil was bound to follow you everywhere, like a shameful guilt for having done a terrible thing. The tell-tale heart of a fictional portrayal would be bound to revisit your conscience as you slept, if you could actually sleep. "Don't Go To Sleep", became the tag-line. I don't know if it was even warranted, but back then, at a younger age I could see some people believing in the "Nightmare". The new nightmare is very real, but it cannot last forever, can it? In lieu of "Don't fall asleep", "I think I can..." becomes a mantra for those who may wish to push back against a huge wave of fear, of what's to come. But can you? James Madison in “Federalist No. 55” reminds us that the “degree of depravity in mankind … requires a certain degree of … distrust” Certainly there were people throughout history who'd felt far more real fear, and lived through far more real pain in challenging times -- But as mental anguish is indiscriminate, what's about to happen next, can haunt a human hardcore. In particular if one doesn't have a "Plan B". Adjusting on the fly, when your former and fake friends remind you daily of imminent fright, is not a strategy. Certainly not a strategy which stems the tide of dread you may feel this season. At my polling place, I luckily don't have to see my monster's face, his signs, nor symbols. But this hideous monster does follow everyone, everywhere, via foot soldiers. Do you have a solid "Plan B?" Well nor do I. This NOT having a Plan-B, is exactly why our fears are so tough to cope with, and to squelch out. It's like having a shit job, and no vacation planned. In most scenarios we have an exit -- A back door. We have a way through, which, even if daunting, like emigration, is a viable plan. Any plan, however difficult, brings some hope. So maybe the THING is that you cannot imagine doing this horror-show political hate-speak every day for the rest of your life. Perhaps you need a messiah. Or perhaps you need to just go dancing? Maybe you need to just move away. Maybe you are looking ahead toward some sunny beach, or a verdant pasture to wrap yourself in. Perhaps you need to have a plan that has nothing to do with news, or even leave the country. Perhaps you need sanctuary, and something to look forward to. The truth is that you have no control over these outcomes, Except for one... Death comes for everyone, and we cannot control for that. This notion could also free you. Your Monster may look like mine, All orange and creepy -- But mine is an elderly Man who will be dead soon, and I will live to see that happen.
The only exit is through the gift shop. When the whole world becomes untenable, then we can either sit around fretting, waiting for a messianic sea-change, run away, switch sides, or change perspective. The fact is that death and politics are out of our fucking control, and the control which you exert, is something you simply have no control over anyway. When you come to accept this perspective, then you will free yourself from giving a fuck about outcomes you cannot control. Because it's only your own ego which made you believe that you could control for elections, chaos, and death. You cannot. Halloween is a grand day to reflect upon mortality -- After all, the monsters may want you dead, but if you are like me, You want only one single Monster to be hit by a truck, and spread across the roadway; Preferably in the middle of Time's Square. In my bad dreams, I can generally kill the monsters. The beauty of this linear life, is that things change rapidly, and even monsters expire. Like most of your dreadful fears, your worst monster has a finite shelf-life. I plan to live long enough to see my monster die. If you simply do not give a fuck, then the Monsters will disappear, and scary movies are just not that scary anymore. ...Don't get me started on "free will".
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We grew up saying things which now make us seem way way stupid to today's youth. AND THATS JUST FINE, BECAUSE ANALOG IS ACTUALLY DEAD, and who really gives a fuck about the future, or it's kids... The most iconic phrases to show how stupid we experienced persons are being are: "I should tape that", "Did you tape that", "They left you a message, did you listen to the tape?" "Did they get his confession on tape"" I'm listening to a great Book on tape..."BUT "TAPE" is so much more than a pejorative to point and stare while scorning elders. There is so much more to it than (just) "OLD Fucker" Nostalgic language. 'Tape' is a Verb true, and it is a whole fuck-ton of Nouns... literally a bizarre carnival of other far more whacky & complex inventions. And "TAPE" beats the fuck out of basically all other inventions. "I know you didn't listen to my Mix-Tape, because if you had, you wouldn't be breaking up with me." ![]() Sure there is that shit you use to poorly wrap that one last minute, (OH SHIT, are they here already) Gift. There's nearly a gazillion uses for plain ordinary scotch tape, but before you think too hard about those... I give you: "BUBBLE TAPE" which is nearly impossible to imagine as named, (if you are over 11 years old). This is because most first imagine Bubble Wrap (the kind some people pop when nervous), attached to some sort of long adhesive strip, When (Bubble Tape) [it] is actually a long flat strip of chemicals which produce a Pink strip that kids actually eat, and chew like gum. Thank you WM Wrigley. It is no surprise that the inventor of a Floor Wax brand would promo his wax products with a free pack of gum, and later birth an un-cut pink gum that kids would find ever clever, and cool. It's mostly cool because of it's way cool pink package promising gum by the linear foot... Go ahead and pull with your mouth as much as you can fit, and still chew. Tape: a linear strip coated with an adhesive, magnetic material, or even bubble gum flavor -- Is (perhaps) the most respected invention of all human endeavor. Veneration for a popular version has reached celebrity or even royal notoriety even in it's humblest of forms. Just where would this fractured fucked up world be without being able to stick shit together easily. We literally fix shit with tape. Duct Tape made not only sealing ducts simpler, but it allowed hacks to work with sheet metal (or any materials) and compensate for their poor workmanship, By covering their mistakes, or even constructing sections with good tape, nearly any idiot could "fix" something. One time (True Story) sailing across the Atlantic in dead wind, we pulled out our Spinnaker. But, when we raised it, we'd quickly discovered a torn seam, which with a puff, began to run the length of its leading edge. (the important part) We applied Sail Tape at the seam, and soon realized the tear had run out. Expired Emergency sail tape was not up to this repair. Later we pulled the whole spinnaker through the port-hole. Wiping it clean on the nav-table, we applied overheated duct-tape for four hours. Our Duct-Tape Hack to get this sail back up and running downwind, was a huge success. The sail held together for four full days and nights, pulling us out of our doldrum with 6-8 knots, bridging our dead dead gap to the next puffy trade-wind, when we no longer needed it. To give too much credit to Tape as Noun or as Verb, as a Medium for Repair, or as Chewing-Gum, is literally impossible. There is no child in America who has not used tape since infancy. In fact the tape tabs on disposable diapers literally held your shit together well before you knew what you were doing down there. Smile now, it's true you rely upon tape... But we adults are now at a crossroads, and we may be all out of the good stuff. Gift giving is completely swaddled in tape for every single holiday and celebration. It is also true that every single carton delivered by beleaguered delivery drivers are held together by tape. While the list of what can be fixed with "Magic Tape", (a 3M brand) may be longer than that which we cannot repair. Tape Cannot hold the universe together when Half of it's people want it to come apart. Vendetta politics is why people no longer enjoy each-other's company, Because it is not what Trump has accomplished that his supporters expect, but the vengeance he exacts upon their so called enemies which they applaud. It is a Daily "Pro Wrestling" Match where make-believe tough-guys exact revenge against imaginary clowns. His narrative first invents the enemy, and then sends them into the ring to spar. It is a Circus. And what is a circus without clowns? As Juvenal said, "Give them bread and Circuses and they will not revolt. Tape cannot fix stupid, so you had better Vote. Watergate became a favorite for those eager do-gooders to record our criminal president doing naughty things... But while naughty tapes still exist, the truths they reveal about ex-Presidents certainly don't matter any longer. For what it's worth, TAPE was once used to destroy bad politicians and celebs with unseemly recordings of crimes caught (well) "ON TAPE". Remember the Access Hollywood 'TAPES'...? They no longer matter. Whereas justice used to be held by TAPE -- Justice is just another fabrication -- Like a craft project. But while naughty tapes still exist, the truth tapes reveal about ex-Presidents certainly don't matter any longer, Because the people want vengeance, and they want circuses, not facts and smart vegans. ![]() As far as history goes, TAPE accounts for so much of it, that the super fuck'd internet is still playing catch-up with this Analog O.G. Unlike the original which was real, tangible, and honest... The Internet is fake, and vacuous. Unlike the posters in your bedroom which you can touch -- The internet is featureless. It's 'Fucking TAPE Man', and it's so fucking awesome that Nobody even matriculated pubescence without being birthed through a bedroom wall of taped up posters boasting a favorite celebrity crush, a swimsuit shot, or some Seriously cool hair. INXS, STYX, The FIXX & Tupac (???), and even The Jam, lined the walls which have now been plastered-over to seal the historic record of one's teen edifice. What is the super cool NET benefit of every single roll of cellophane tape and the Posters they mounted? It is the instancy. Immediate satisfaction in "posting" who you support, and idolize. We used to post signs to "keep Out" for a yard sale, and for tow zones. In fact one could argue that the term "POST" legitimately came into being because of TAPE. "You wont really have to pack that Internet return with twine any longer" Well.., Perhaps that began with Martin Luther and a nail, or thumb-tack... But the very term "POST" was post-modern, and born by tape for the past century. Don't get me started with Post-it notes. When you young fuckers were still 65 years away tape was solving the worlds problems. Now it's all... "Be Patient Lady" "You wont really have to pack that Internet return with twine any longer". (whew! what a chore) You could simply grab some tape. But tape cant fix that, Can It? "On the One". "On the One"., Hit the snare on the One, roll vocals on the second track... In fact, 2-track, 4-Track, Bass Track, 8-Track, and nearly every great track that built our online music archive began it's life on magnetic TAPE. Not to mention every important Demo Film, Movie Pilot, and way cool Demo cassette, from The Smiths, The Cure, & U2, to The Replacements, & Prince. Cassette TAPE made that magic happen. ![]() What about the endless accolades owed to TAPE is humble. House Painting is humble, but even this and Murder investigations, are guided by tape. Whereas Caution tape, and that K-stuff you put on your leg because you shouldn't be running like that anyway -- Are cautionary. The kind of tape needed for nearly any task is readily available, reasonably priced, and soo convenient. Keeping some handy, Blue Tape to paint, Package tape to return those ugly shoes, and duct tape to patch your space capsule, makes TAPE one of human endeavors most useful tools. Plain variety in the household means that at any given time the average family stocks more Tape than aging hot sauces in their fridge. We have 3M to thank for most of these variations on the same theme. Here is a short list of miracles: Aluminum tape Thin aluminum foil, coated on one side with a heat-resistant adhesive. The side coated with adhesive is prevented from sticking together with wax paper. Autoclave tape Adhesive tape used in autoclaving. Bondage tape Adheres to itself without using sticky adhesives; this tape is used in bondage. Box-sealing tape Pressure-sensitive, used for sealing corrugated boxes. Adhesive is usually coated on a polypropylene or polyester film. Commonly 48 mm (1.9 in) or 72 mm (2.8 in) wide. Carbon Tape Repairing defective conductor on printed circuit boards Fixing glitch rear windscreen heater Alternative to soldering, if heat can damage electrical component Making ‘Faraday Cage’ to protect sensitive electrical instruments from electromagnetic radiation SEM (scanning electron microscopy) applications to prevent electrostatic charge developing in the surface Double-sided tape This tape has adhesive on both sides, and is used to stick two surfaces together. Duct tape Usually gray in color, this tape is backed with scrim, often coated with rubber or plastic. Elastic therapeutic tape Also known as "K tape" and "kinesiology tape", it is an elastic-cotton strip backed with acrylic adhesive. It is used for treating athletic injuries and various physical disorders. Electrical tape Used to insulate electrical wires. Commonly made of black PVC (polyvinyl chloride, "vinyl"), but available in a variety of colors. Filament tape High-strength packaging tape made of polypropylene or polyester film, with fiberglass filaments embedded along the length. Floor marking tape Heavy duty floor tape used for marking areas on a floor such as in industrial warehouses. Friction tape Tape made of cloth which has been impregnated with a rubber-based adhesive, used mostly to increase grip or friction. Gaffer tape Used in the theater, film and television industry, this tape is used to secure cables to keep them out of the way, or to hide them from view. Gorilla Tape A trademarked brand of heavy duty duct tape. Hockey tape Used for cushioning and grip on polo mallets, ice hockey, roller hockey, and lacrosse equipment. Hook-and-loop tape A hook-and-loop fastener with adhesive backing. Kapton Used in electronic manufacturing as an insulation and protection layer on electrostatic sensitive and fragile components. Lingerie tape Also called "cleavage tape", "fashion tape", or "tit tape", this double-sided adhesive tape is used to keep clothing in place. Masking tape Used in homes and industry, this paper tape is used for masking areas. It is also used to smooth seams that will be painted over on temporary pieces. Nano tape Also called "gecko tape", this tape is composed of arrays of carbon nanotubes and has directional adhesion properties. It can grip a load in one direction and release its grip when the direction of force is reversed. Road surface marking tape Preformed polymer tapes that can be applied permanently or temporarily to the pavements to create road surface markings. Scotch Tape A 3M brand name for a wide variety of office and industrial tapes. Security tape A tape with special tamper indicating features. Self fusing silicone tape A non-tacky tape which when stretched and wrapped around cables, electrical joints, hoses and pipes will amalgamate itself into a strong seamless rubbery, waterproof, and electrically insulating layer. Sellotape A British brand name, a general-purpose clear home and office tape. The name is often used as a generic term for similar tapes in the UK. Speed tape Used on aircraft, this aluminized tape is designed to remain in place in high winds. Spike tape This is a marking tape used in the theater, film and television industry to mark areas on a stage for actors. Wound closure strip A medical tape (3M trademark). Surgical tape A medical tape. Stretch-release adhesive Adhesive type manufactured by 3M. Tear tape Allows for easy opening of fast-moving consumer goods. May also carry brand messaging, anti-tampering, and authentication technologies. Toupee tape Invisible double-sided tape used to attach hair pieces or to hold delicate fabrics against the skin. Reflective tape High-visibility adhesive tape with retroreflective sheeting. Thread seal tape Polytetrafluoroethylene (PTFE) film tape commonly used in plumbing for sealing pipe threads. Ultra-high-molecular-weight polyethylene tape This is the strongest and lightest dope ass tape for repairing some seriously broken shit, stopping squeaks, and protecting surfaces from wear and friction. Would you believe there is such a thing as "Bondage Tape" but still no tape for Stupid? Band-Aids (Yep that's TAPE)
Basically every injury recorded from birth to death was commemorated with a Band-Aid whether for a serious injury, burn, scrape, or simply as a symbol to ward off the psychological trauma. We are at a sad inflection point in history, where everything we thought was solid, and permanent begins to crumble and fall apart, and we have not invented a tape for that. Those who'll arrive with a tape gun, just after America's back-slide into chaos, will be remembered as having done too little, far too late. Tape as Remedy is discussed through History books, and in Graduate level Psychology Text Books, where learn'ed professors posit that what cannot be prevented, repaired, fixed, restored, posted, placated, protected, and improved using tape is likely not worth saving. In spite of how much tape we stock-pile, the awesome mix-tapes we record, and the demands we tape up on the door -- These are outmoded methods. Sociologists agree that Tape is merely a clever tool of human expression, and of repair. That Tape is both humble and audacious, venerated as a "do-All" It is a healer, and a remedy. Tape is a modern miracle, but it cant fix this Republic. They say that you wont know what you've got, until it's gone. Let's not pretend that we didn't see it coming. In a "Post-Tape Universe", where invented fictions, and pretend gripes will to wipe out our quiet comfort -- The loud fascist will always win. (It's just so much more entertaining.) Promises of vengeance, and retaliation on the Internet are the new Gladiator Battle. And anyone who can deliver a daily circus (Thank you Twitter) is delivering what the people want. Exacting revenge upon astute, educated, and comfortable nobodies, is so much fun to watch, and to talk about. Re-posting absurdity, makes the modern world spin. Making those college educated, liberals pay, is way entertaining. That half the universe has already forgotten what the grievance even was, matters little because we always have minorities, and toxic masculinity as a smoke screen, and immigrants as a scapegoat. Until the "adults in the room" can present a way-cooler story with daily guns, revenge killing, riots, and empire-building conquest-fantasies, (as compelling as Trumpism), then the clowns will continue to entertain our masses. Tape can fix just about anything, but not idiotic ideology. And, I would totally TAPE that if I could but ...alas TAPE cannot fix Stupid. Happy Halloween by the way..., sorry it's been a minute since your "big day" back in July, but I just wanted to say, Thanks Sooo Much for inviting me to share in your 'super special' wedding weekend. I had a ton of "super special" weddings to attend this summer, and I have to say that yours was simply the best. Of course, at first, I was a bit miffed that your coworker got to stand up there with you, in-stead of me, but I'm sure since you started working remote at the new job, in December he has become so much closer than most of your old high school friends. What I can't figure out, is why wouldn't everyone want to come to your wedding?, I mean, they all seemed so excited when you posted that huge engagement spread, and that full movie, and then hosted that big pre-engagement party, and posted again at the Brunch, and from the four-star Family Dinner, and then at the actual engagement party with the band, and dancing, and the pool-side after-party, and all that. I mean, I guess friendships are one thing..., but paybacks may be the real thing, and the real reason so many would have showed up, excepting your real friends. I mean, what better things do any of your old friends have to do in July besides be there for you all six days? I mean... Wedding weekends are sooo much fun. And so fucking exhausting, I don't know how you survived. And besides, everyone gets to focus entirely on Y.O.U. and your new partner, and Wow!, the spectacle that you pulled off, it seemed like something straight off of some celebrity web-blog. And, really -- IF there are only like [+/-] Fifty or so of these super special weekends every year -- then where else would anyone rather be? Really! So anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for your generous invitation to suffer at your super conceded coronation of ego, idol worship, and poorly choreographed pageantry? I mean... The Vows were so all about you and him, and your lovey-dovey garbage. "“I promise to encourage you to follow your dreams. I promise … to challenge you to be the best version of yourself..." I know you want the best for yourself, (I mean for sure) and of course that very special someone, (sorry I almost forgot "Austen-John-Robert-Chase III", but what about the rest of us who need to go along with this go-for-broke fairy-tale charade? Couples Stop Writing Your Own Wedding Vows. Are we supposed to um "Like" and re-post every nuance to rub someone's face in this? Or just the feelings of... What was the name of that 'soul-mate' you broke up with 7-months ago?, and why was he not there to see you off? I mean he did love you, but (you're right), he did read too much. ![]() I'm not saying that the food was NECESSARILY BAD... I mean nobody looked really sick to me, except some of the golfers, and Bachelor-party bro's. But I couldn't really remark upon what was served for dinner, because dinner was again more or less a stand-up affair somewhere between the 75-deep four-row bar line, for "Signature Cocktails", and some crazy Kevin Bacon dance marathon. WAIT!, What were your two "signature cocktails"? Oh, Never-mind; Those were maybe sooo elaborate with that shrubbery, and the giant laser-etched ice-cubes, that everyone just skipped to the self-serve wine and beer from the galvanized farmer feed tub. (Nice touch!) The staff no sooner threw the opening pitch out there with airline dinner rolls, before they began collecting cutlery from North to South. The West facing faux vineyard back-drop where the sun seemed pleasing enough, was lovely -- But it really scorched the babies, and the elderly aunts, and uncles. I'm not so sure that wasn't just corn just behind a single trellis of concord grapes, but you can blur that in photo-shop. We'll all call it a vineyard. Anyway the clever use of the same floor-plan in these "Vineyard Barns" sure helped with guest orientation. That they can make that same "wedding-barn-back-drop" in 46 states, makes the bathroom far simpler to locate. For Sure, And I loved not having to drive afterwards, but maybe I should have just taken the early shuttle, before the dirty line-dancing, and the embarrassing stuff started. Also, given the two hour bus ride back into town... It was a bit like being captive in a slasher-zombie film noir. What was the name of that band, again...?, Oh never-mind, it wasn't a band at all, but a loathsome DJ who [didn't spin any actual records], but made the motions with some round electric gizmo, while (I think) he just played a Spotify wedding playlist start to finish? He also told me that Depeche Mode was lame, and to fuck off. Was maybe a funny coincidence..., (perhaps) but I think that same "Special Sunset Wedding" play-list was in heavy rotation for the last five weddings we "got to enjoy" this year. But, of course Bon-Jovi, and Sweet Caroline should come well after dessert... Right? (Anyway) I'm just saying..., Maybe not during dinner on the South end of the barn, while the North End is still waiting for salad plates. So many things in the queue to work with... I'm sure it's tough to coordinate the outfit changes too, when soo many haven't even eaten yet. Anyway, when was dessert? Not sure I saw that super memorable main cake cutting -- And the cake shmearing party, where you so cutely dabbed noses with frosting. I'm sure I'd missed the secondary cake sacrament also, was that one gluten free? Sorry I missed it. I was still trying to butter my bun -- But I'm sure the drones got good footage for later. Everything on the socials is sooo fucking perfect! You look amaze-balls by the way. Hope it's forever. Yes? Just think what the next one could be like. Right? Lucky me, I still have a whole stack of your super cool custom monogrammed plastic cups which I will certainly cherish forever, and ever, and ever -- So thank you for those. I saw so many in the trash along with stemware, plates, and such that I wasn't sure about your whole Ecology Baccalaureate. I Sure am glad he is loaded though. Sorry I'd missed the golf game two days prior, at his swank country-club -- But that was Thursday, and I had to work. The rest of the guys seemed happy, although nobody really remembers where they went after., So I don't really think it was (well) "m-e-m-o-r-a-b-l-e" -- They said they had fun, I mean... between discussion's of their fantasy teams and blow jobs they'd believed they were owed... That said, I would watch out for that Matt guy though, because even a few days after the so called "Golf Outing" his color was not so good. Compared with the rest of the other 'Sigma-Something' guy's with ruby-red sunburn. I just thought he looked a bit pale and weak. John did mention that he wasn't one of the "Original Pledges"; So there is that. ANYWAYS, Hoping he is feeling able to walk much better now. For the cost of my new "wedding" outfit, I could likely have had dinner at the French Laundry, then flown business-class to have my dry-cleaning done in actual Paris France. I do think that overall everyone got 'good and wasted' though, or even perhaps made a fool of themselves on the dance floor which is well, Good & Bad, Maybe though if those last 8 tables had gotten something more to eat than the amuse bouche, (sorbet) and a dinner roll, they would have danced a bit more appropriately. Perhaps you can just edit that dirty part out. I would say though that for the cost of a new outfit, air-fare, & Hotel, a gift off your registry at Neiman's, Brunch, Dinner, Taco-Bell, and a round of golf I couldn't make it to... I could likely have flown to dinner at the French Laundry, then flown business-class to have my dry-cleaning done in actual Paris, with something to spare to enjoy your "signature cocktail" pool-side in Tulum. I could even bring my own special cups.
Just the same, I think it was a huuuge success, and you and he will be really great together when you recover. Anyways, Happy Halloween. Crashing is a full-time job. This is a quick 'crash-course' on being a cool human... People often discuss the moment just before the pain sets-in, as a sort of disassociated bliss -- Wherefor we briefly believe that (perhaps) we may actually (luckily) come out of this event un-scathed. Alas, then... that pink-white scrape oozes and we know immediately that recovery may take days or even weeks. Break out the peroxide little bunny because we have some brave work ahead. Bunny-hopping a trash-can, jumping a home-made ramp over a few kids laying like logs below; Taking a sip from the bidon right before striking a pot-hole, or doing a no-hander over crooked pavement... this is that moment. Congratulations! Your commitment is real. You are a bad-ass. And... Really what could go wrong? What comes next is that "Out-Of-Body" reflection inward at one's whereabouts, taking quick inventory as to the direction of one's limbs, their placement & their attachment, or not. Pain comes in many forms; The first being that wholly unmanageable style. Pain comes in many forms; The first being that wholly unmanageable style which cuts consciousness to black as veiled protection buffers us from trauma. The Next is a buzzing dimmer ramping up the brightness steadily -- Normally, this is when we wish for a Do-Over, and discover the slow dread of not being quite right. The basic 'Skinned-Knee' or 'Ankle sprain', is a casual reminder to practice more; Whereas a deeper cut and inevitable "stitches" emphasize one's need for real improvement -- [Whispering to himself], "Just as soon as this one heals up, we golden ones will be back at it!" Because you may be a swiper, But you are also a fucking do'er -- The envy every fuck-tard. Remember that Tattoos are for posers without the scars of a life well lived, and you are not 'that guy'..., are you? Youth is full of spooky moments, but crashing is just barely below that knife's edge of a life well lived. Falling from ones bike is merely self-coaching through a process as primal as any other scary mystery. Where we work though an unfamiliar haze. Here we generally cannot recall the moment where it all went sideways. Assuming the crash was the sovereign cause of only the person crashing -- then physical and mental improvement is imminent. Glancing around for scape-goats is the devils hand, which most often guides a far darker path. This also delays recovery. Failing at any new mysterious thing is enough to discourage humans from even trying again. Fumbling darkly with someone else's zipper for example is just as frightening for the un-initiated, but perhaps a bit less hazardous, than dropping into a Half-Pipe. Youth is full of spooky moments, but crashing is just barely below that knife's edge of a life well lived. Good stories almost never blossom from a puritanical path. Whereas bad outcomes strike everyone regularly our risk is actually The Thing. Fear of failure for any Skater, BMX'er, Cyclist, or Parcourse is one thing, but fear of injury is what keeps other amateurs safely sidelined spectating. This goes a long way to explaining that safe-space called golf. Even for someone who is totally into that game, a fucking great story in a golf cart will only happen where a gator was involved. So it goes that pulling off a back-side-ollie-rail-slide is NOT for side-lined pussy's. Resolve is one's desire to prove only to one-self that one is capable. And of course it's OK to give-up, give-in, cave, flame-out, and fail... But only you, can grant that permission. If, However you give up without a re-try, then you have blown it twice. Golf is bowling for wealthy strokes & environmental saboteurs. By the time a person hits Twenty-five, they should already know that either: [A] Their limits, (or) [B] To concede they are a pussy. In Bowling as in Golf (which is simply bowling for wealthy strokes & environmental saboteurs) The release of the ball is the last moment where one can effectively control or correct it's behavior... Yet one tends to lean, and contort their body to correct for angle, yaw, and trajectory, (which we all know is foolish). This squirmy feeling is remarkable, but seldom if ever has a treacherous side-effect. (except as distraction for scoring). The squirm only works on a skateboard (anyway). I remember trying to hit a sweet jump at age 11 with far too much speed and too little confidence, and then launching ahead of my own landing gear, to crash epically upon warm alley pavement. I recall the smell of the trash-cans, and the taste of iron, and blood, and gravel. So it goes that after hopeful recovery, a kid needs to get the fuck back to work -- Get back to the business of sticking that landing. [If the Bike still works; My fork broke below the bottom headset race]. But you could say that commitment is the moment just before you either pull it off, or the pain sets in. Well before there were deep pits filled with foam balls, doubled-up mattresses, or even trampolines -- The reward system, was a bit jacked, because on the other side of some quantum partition lay a negative operant where strong gravity and crash-landings, betray success. Finesse is the con-job in that film-noir called the Character-Builder. They say "Commit"! -- And commitment means different things to different kids. But you could say that commitment is the moment just before you either pull it off, or the pain sets in. Bikes are basically pretty reliable in as much as, at velocity one can stay upright over some rather gnarly shit, just so long as a kid doesn't fucking panic. Panic literally always leads to bad outcomes. So what about Luck? Luck is actually the amalgam of emotional precedent which can (like a force-field) counter the forces of both gravity, and of doubt. This works because, on the other side of the equation are sheep and failure; And failing is bogus -- Not to mention super-duper un-sexy. Luck (while certainly not a sound strategy), is a force which predetermines predictably positive outcomes because it carries a frequency which squelches out nagging doubt, or reluctant reticence, and nay-sayers. That Jagoff Elon Musk, Steve Jobs, and certainly Shawn White, wield luck as a force. They are NOT (necessarily) better at anything at all, but for convincing. They have convinced both themselves and others that they are expert at everything, which let's face it -- that shit works. Mostly, This works because, on the other side of the equation are sheep, and failure, and failing is bogus -- Not to mention super-duper un-sexy. Protecting against wholly inadequate doubtfulness is Luck pulling you up from the pavement to try again. Doubt and Luck are not opposites, but Doubt nearly never manifests in the soul of the lucky creatures. I once pulled a hand-stand at speed down the beach hill on my free-style deck, and inadvertently dragged a knuckle which acted like a roller-skate stopper removing some part of my nail, and finger, before I toppled to gouge my hip down the hill for a spell. There was that white removal of summer bronze, just before the trickle of warm red. The Crash taught me literally nothing, except that a Skate-board was intended to be operated with feet, safely inside shitty converse all-stars, and NOT with hands. So in effect their LUCK is a bit of a "Con-Job"... After which point the money is ponied-up by onlookers. Watching a squirl jump a 15 foot gap of trees over a highway, should prove the rule. But even that lucky fucker, and their unlucky friend flattened below, know the wisdom of taking baby steps before the big leap -- And or luck. The modern industrialist merely needs to convince onlookers, that they are quite lucky, and if nothing else confident. So in effect their LUCK is a bit of a "Con-Job". After that point the money is ponied-up by onlookers, so they have no tangible down-sides. What's important about sticking the landing, and of crashing (as proven by Thrasher Magazine), and any ass-wipe on the web, is that you only have to nail it a few more times than you crash to be venerated. Staying in the black column is: 50% Luck, 50% Confidence, and 50% Magic. Bad decisions sprinkled with luck, make for the best stories, and crashing is part of that education. Crash with confidence, but try something new today. Here... Let me help you. |
AGE & TREACHERY WILL BEAT YOUTH & SKILL Archives
January 2025
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