Happy Halloween by the way..., sorry it's been a minute since your "big day" back in July, but I just wanted to say, Thanks Sooo Much for inviting me to share in your 'super special' wedding weekend. I had a ton of "super special" weddings to attend this summer, and I have to say that yours was simply the best. Of course, at first, I was a bit miffed that your coworker got to stand up there with you, in-stead of me, but I'm sure since you started working remote at the new job, in December he has become so much closer than most of your old high school friends. What I can't figure out, is why wouldn't everyone want to come to your wedding?, I mean, they all seemed so excited when you posted that huge engagement spread, and that full movie, and then hosted that big pre-engagement party, and posted again at the Brunch, and from the four-star Family Dinner, and then at the actual engagement party with the band, and dancing, and the pool-side after-party, and all that. I mean, I guess friendships are one thing..., but paybacks may be the real thing, and the real reason so many would have showed up, excepting your real friends. I mean, what better things do any of your old friends have to do in July besides be there for you all six days? I mean... Wedding weekends are sooo much fun. And so fucking exhausting, I don't know how you survived. And besides, everyone gets to focus entirely on Y.O.U. and your new partner, and Wow!, the spectacle that you pulled off, it seemed like something straight off of some celebrity web-blog. And, really -- IF there are only like [+/-] Fifty or so of these super special weekends every year -- then where else would anyone rather be? Really! So anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for your generous invitation to suffer at your super conceded coronation of ego, idol worship, and poorly choreographed pageantry? I mean... The Vows were so all about you and him, and your lovey-dovey garbage. "“I promise to encourage you to follow your dreams. I promise … to challenge you to be the best version of yourself..." I know you want the best for yourself, (I mean for sure) and of course that very special someone, (sorry I almost forgot "Austen-John-Robert-Chase III", but what about the rest of us who need to go along with this go-for-broke fairy-tale charade? Couples Stop Writing Your Own Wedding Vows. Are we supposed to um "Like" and re-post every nuance to rub someone's face in this? Or just the feelings of... What was the name of that 'soul-mate' you broke up with 7-months ago?, and why was he not there to see you off? I mean he did love you, but (you're right), he did read too much. ![]() I'm not saying that the food was NECESSARILY BAD... I mean nobody looked really sick to me, except some of the golfers, and Bachelor-party bro's. But I couldn't really remark upon what was served for dinner, because dinner was again more or less a stand-up affair somewhere between the 75-deep four-row bar line, for "Signature Cocktails", and some crazy Kevin Bacon dance marathon. WAIT!, What were your two "signature cocktails"? Oh, Never-mind; Those were maybe sooo elaborate with that shrubbery, and the giant laser-etched ice-cubes, that everyone just skipped to the self-serve wine and beer from the galvanized farmer feed tub. (Nice touch!) The staff no sooner threw the opening pitch out there with airline dinner rolls, before they began collecting cutlery from North to South. The West facing faux vineyard back-drop where the sun seemed pleasing enough, was lovely -- But it really scorched the babies, and the elderly aunts, and uncles. I'm not so sure that wasn't just corn just behind a single trellis of concord grapes, but you can blur that in photo-shop. We'll all call it a vineyard. Anyway the clever use of the same floor-plan in these "Vineyard Barns" sure helped with guest orientation. That they can make that same "wedding-barn-back-drop" in 46 states, makes the bathroom far simpler to locate. For Sure, And I loved not having to drive afterwards, but maybe I should have just taken the early shuttle, before the dirty line-dancing, and the embarrassing stuff started. Also, given the two hour bus ride back into town... It was a bit like being captive in a slasher-zombie film noir. What was the name of that band, again...?, Oh never-mind, it wasn't a band at all, but a loathsome DJ who [didn't spin any actual records], but made the motions with some round electric gizmo, while (I think) he just played a Spotify wedding playlist start to finish? He also told me that Depeche Mode was lame, and to fuck off. Was maybe a funny coincidence..., (perhaps) but I think that same "Special Sunset Wedding" play-list was in heavy rotation for the last five weddings we "got to enjoy" this year. But, of course Bon-Jovi, and Sweet Caroline should come well after dessert... Right? (Anyway) I'm just saying..., Maybe not during dinner on the South end of the barn, while the North End is still waiting for salad plates. So many things in the queue to work with... I'm sure it's tough to coordinate the outfit changes too, when soo many haven't even eaten yet. Anyway, when was dessert? Not sure I saw that super memorable main cake cutting -- And the cake shmearing party, where you so cutely dabbed noses with frosting. I'm sure I'd missed the secondary cake sacrament also, was that one gluten free? Sorry I missed it. I was still trying to butter my bun -- But I'm sure the drones got good footage for later. Everything on the socials is sooo fucking perfect! You look amaze-balls by the way. Hope it's forever. Yes? Just think what the next one could be like. Right? Lucky me, I still have a whole stack of your super cool custom monogrammed plastic cups which I will certainly cherish forever, and ever, and ever -- So thank you for those. I saw so many in the trash along with stemware, plates, and such that I wasn't sure about your whole Ecology Baccalaureate. I Sure am glad he is loaded though. Sorry I'd missed the golf game two days prior, at his swank country-club -- But that was Thursday, and I had to work. The rest of the guys seemed happy, although nobody really remembers where they went after., So I don't really think it was (well) "m-e-m-o-r-a-b-l-e" -- They said they had fun, I mean... between discussion's of their fantasy teams and blow jobs they'd believed they were owed... That said, I would watch out for that Matt guy though, because even a few days after the so called "Golf Outing" his color was not so good. Compared with the rest of the other 'Sigma-Something' guy's with ruby-red sunburn. I just thought he looked a bit pale and weak. John did mention that he wasn't one of the "Original Pledges"; So there is that. ANYWAYS, Hoping he is feeling able to walk much better now. For the cost of my new "wedding" outfit, I could likely have had dinner at the French Laundry, then flown business-class to have my dry-cleaning done in actual Paris France. I do think that overall everyone got 'good and wasted' though, or even perhaps made a fool of themselves on the dance floor which is well, Good & Bad, Maybe though if those last 8 tables had gotten something more to eat than the amuse bouche, (sorbet) and a dinner roll, they would have danced a bit more appropriately. Perhaps you can just edit that dirty part out. I would say though that for the cost of a new outfit, air-fare, & Hotel, a gift off your registry at Neiman's, Brunch, Dinner, Taco-Bell, and a round of golf I couldn't make it to... I could likely have flown to dinner at the French Laundry, then flown business-class to have my dry-cleaning done in actual Paris, with something to spare to enjoy your "signature cocktail" pool-side in Tulum. I could even bring my own special cups.
Just the same, I think it was a huuuge success, and you and he will be really great together when you recover. Anyways, Happy Halloween.
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