AERO IS STILL BULLSHIT

So Many Seconds Saved... These aero gains should leave time for four or five tasteless Michelob Ultras, and even a Cheeseburger.

Show me a kid struggling above poorly set training wheels and I will despair for the future. Show me an innertube, and I will show you a problem which didn't need fixing. 
Show me a throttle bike and I will show you how a good stick fits neatly between the spokes.
Show me a vintage Steel Bike and I will extoll it's obsolete yet elegant virtues. 
Show me a new gadget, and I will destroy it, just to see how it had been made, and once worked. 
But Show me a  Shaved-kitten Tri-geek in a skin-suit pumping their Shiv-Machine under a mirrored lens aero helmet -- Water bottle tucked neatly between their ass cheeks, and I will show you someone who should perhaps learn to swim better.

I truly have no idea what these resistance apparatus are, nor why this image is so fucking retarded... But I can tell you that this D-Bag could enjoy a Mich-Ultra far sooner if he'd only shaved his armpits.

​Scientists don't know for certain which happened first  -- That you are born a douche, or that your aero-bike made you that way

The extent to which all of that Aerodyne wizardry will benefit anyone is of course measurable, but still witchcraft., and a total waste of Carbon.  The extent to which victory in full aero mode will bring you lasting joy is dubious.
Just to build it, means that engineering gets a shot at marketing's job. But, As for the slicing through the wind part, the aero, Tri-geek, Time-trial course always remains levelled out, and the corners always softened.  Even in trainer mode... The Tri-geek mounts a Wahoo, where courses are straight and flat as Kansas.  Aero Bullshit and Circling the drain for watts is reserved for Keirin, the Velodrome, and the muddy finish of Paris to Roubaix.  Aero is the Dolby Atmos of Bike shit. 9.2 channels of sound that nobody asked for, nobody has room for, and that a Pair of kick-ass speakers did way better three decades prior.

In ancient times, the classique Drop bar bike allowed the rider to utilize "The Drops"

Aero, Like the dumbest part of a stage race, happens in full frontal, like a figure skater conned into a stupid leotard, at the last moment. T.T. happens when everybody agrees to quit the peloton, have a nap, grab a sandwich, and then take turns riding down a plywood ramp sporting bad fashion just to give aero-engineers their lap-dance in broad daylight. If Keirin is a heritage of Aero done right, and TT is a group hug and a blue star for, softies -- Then Tri-Geek Aero, is the undoing of what once made cycling cool.  It never gets easier, you just go faster, so why use a motor, or a crutch?  To simulate being faster.

The D-Bags you'd hated on the bike path, (You know the ones who'd cursed and spit on kids for learning to ride their bikes far too slowly?) now get a chance to podium, Which is is well and fine, but... Fucking Lame!
Tri-Bikes are fucking silly, full-stop. end of story -- And Time Trials in a Grand Tour are a bit like stopping Le Mans for a nappy, followed by a light snack, just before wiping mayo from one's mouth, and sprinting for the finish on foot, all Ricky Bobby style. There is Simply no sporting fun during the pretense of a land-speed record -- When you actually came to edge out your competition elbow to elbow.  And there is no legitimate reason one could not do the same exhaustive, and un-fun dance far more elegantly,  without the Cat-woman skin-suit. 

Bikes are fun, learning to ride is fun, being a cyclist is kinda-cool, and fun, and even a bit edgy and sexy --  If you do it right.  But when you 'kind of suck,' and you ride stupidly , and are measuring watts, and cadence, and when your shades are built into your aero helmet,  and you are yelling at young kids and strollers along an otherwise blissful bike path, Then you have alas become the aero-choad, who resents cycling.

In ancient times, the classique Drop bar bike allowed the rider to utilize (wait for it)...  "The Drops", to lower ones drag relative to oncoming resistant winds, and even to pull ones elbows inward, and lower ones head to cut more resistance, and to foil the wind.  For Nearly a century Cyclists have even learned how to zip up their jersey to reduce wind pocketing upon their chest, reducing wind drag, to go faster.  To Go Faster, has nothing to do with Watts, Aero Bars, Cadence, Internally routed sippy-cups, and one-piece anything.  Going Faster is a matter of hardening the fuck up, and Hard Men roll Cyclocross, and perhaps pull a pack in the Peloton. They certainly do not write a number on each of eight limbs using a greasy marker, only to charge out of the water and board an Aero-Bike.      
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​Rule Number 42:  A bike race shall never be preceded with a swim nor followed by a run. 

Researchers have uncovered several new secrets in aerodynamics, using the fitment of Kam-tail Shaping, In-molded carbon foils, and internally routed cables hoses and sippy straws to defy the wind, and to make bikes insanely shitty to work on. Studies using FEA (Finite Element Analysis) and Laminar Boundary surface treatments now improve break-up and flow, dynamically making fucktards just a wee bit faster, and bikes more stupider.

Scientists don't know for certain which happened first  -- That you are born a douche, or that your aero-bike made you that way, but It is now considered likely that people hate you, and you them...simply because you've brought home your second Aero Bike.  Aero Bikes are a currency spent on a problem nobody has, and perhaps in pursuit of something else missing in one's life. It is because of you, of course -- And also because of your Aero Gains, that you've shaved legs, grams, watts, and perhaps shaved the joy right out of cycling for everyone.

Aero is Bullshit!

Aero is Still Bullshit.

   P.S.  Learn to swim faster.

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