Big Jelly Killed Etsy

 Do we really have to correct another historical record again so soon?  Because nobody gives a fuck about history any more, and even gray liberals are normalizing the fall of Democracy; as it's written -- Let's begin our day with a slice of jelly toast in upside-down-land.  It is all white-noise to comment upon such daily chaos.  In our news vacuum we watch Orange jelly eaters destroying America like it is a reality show we can turn off. But the failure of America is real. This is happening.
Because the charade of speculative panic about insane tariffs were bandied about the world with outlandish conspiracies as to what they really mean, I too will waste ink to report some truth. 
Chump, is a lonely, depraved, senile, failure who once found a lever on a field-trip to the Smithsonian. Here he discovered that African History was legitimately cool, and that slavery made his daddy rich. While the teacher was in the potty. The kids shoegazing around exhibits, and placards, A bored and confused Chump discovered a lever.  When he pulled it, the clatter drew so much attention, faces in the diorama illuminated, and an amazing animatronic calliope clattered to life. The giggles from classmates implored him for more.  Naturally, all the kids in class stared in awe at the defiant kid  who would certainly be punished, or expelled for touching the levers.  Initially, no guards nor docents, and no teachers saw him hit that lever, and nobody spoke up because they'd hoped the idiot (who'd  surely soon be expelled), would do it again.

​And, of course nobody can take their eyes off a train wreck... Frankly they would love it if he was dumb enough to do it again before their teacher marched out of the ladies room and began her trademark reprimand.  There were "Ooh's", and "Oh man is he busted..." "...Sooo Busted", "In Sooo much trouble", etc... But because the teacher had been up all night drowning in a bottle of Chardonnay, she didn't give a fuck, and so the class moved on to the next exhibit without incident.
This President has absolutely no original ideas, but as a class clown, and a bully, he would combust without constant attention. and so he keeps pulling that lever. I'm not completely stupid -- I do know that Chump and his boy band bet heavy on Futures and made a mint in the maelstrom.  I know that there are all sorts of side-room deals, but these criminal mob ideas are not only NOT his own,  they are also nothing new.  
Trump was losing One Trillion dollars a day for 6 days straight.

Their are some far off places where nobody has ever heard of this man, Or jelly for that matter, and they don't speak of Dr Doom every day in panicked histrionics. Nomadic tribes, Sheep Herders, Fishermen, and Bedouins who manage to avoid the tyranny of worrying about what some far off boy-king and his idiot entourage are up to, live free.  So when Mr. Crazy asked his loyal yes men where in the world their may be more idiots and savages who didn't yet live in fear of him, he pressed them to bring one into his Television Set. or to bring them this news. [Chump] 'Would soon become a household name even in remote huts, and stone-age tribal communities'; Those who comb sheep for precious downy wool, or those who shoot seals adrift upon massive sea ice.  [Chump] 'Wants them to also know that he has these fancy levers to pull, and that they too should fear him'. 

But because the "So Called Democrats" keep hoping he will make some epic public blunder, and perhaps literally explode -- They just watch silently the burning train-wreck of America.  Silently sheepishly hopeful that there will be enough tiny pieces left to rebuild, if they ever get back in the driver's seat. And just to be clear, when US Bond yields drop our Federal interest rate goes way up, and we are staring at Recession, which would hand the House back to Dems... Basically, Mr. Stable Genius incited a rummage sale at the highest level, inspiring foreign and domestic investors to dump the safest of all treasuries.  Everyone is pulling out of the "Safe Space" which had been America.  For perspective, Musk claimed to be saving America a Billion here and another Billion There, by laying off a quarter million people in  a few months -- Whereas Trump was losing One Trillion dollars a day for 6 days straight.  [by MAGA Messiah deal maker Chump.]  That's lighting fire to a Thousand Billion Dollars a day from the wealth of his donor's stock! Gone! So there would be a rally, as the bro's high-fived, and chest bumped... but what is gone is gone.  America is unreliable -- Not to be trusted. Of course, "In God We Trust", but God can't save your 401K, and Chump cannot be trusted.

The So called Trade war is not that at all.  There is no trade war... Just a lunatic, and complicity. Chump needs everyone to be discussing him.  EVERYONE to fear him.  Even.., everyone to laugh at him.  He needs constant combustion to remain in motion, to be relevant. He needs to be doing something, anything, because before him, things just worked, and the "American exhibit" basically spoke for itself.  The dark energy of chaos, keeps all eyes on him, lest he fizzle out as the failure he most assuredly is.

Smucker's recently lobbied Chump to tariff the EU, and France in particular so that Delicious French fruit preserves such as Bonne Maman would cost more than Goober-Grape at Costco..  Smucker's even wanted Goober-Grape to cost less than Bonne Maman in France, Belgium, Netherlands, Germany, etc... This "brilliant strategy" was misguided, in the belief that adjusting cost could make literal shit taste better. But more misguided, because Americans and in particular Trump voters love cheap crap.

Imagine this... "If The good stuff cost more..., Americans would prefer Smucker's", to a lovely jar of French or Belgian Preserves.  Ipso-facto, the French would adore Smucker's crap at a lower cost,  to their higher quality local jams because, well, they couldn't possibly know what they were missing in such an exciting flavor palette: Concord Grape, Squeeze Berry, Goober-Grape, Mint Apple Jelly, and Sweet Orange Marmalade. The reality of this game, is that The French do not give a fuck about Smucker's, because, well they don't prefer that strange American taste;  And also... They already have a better product.  Much like Germans do not prefer Chryslers to Mercedes, BMW, Renault, Mini or VW, There will always be demand for German Autos in Trump-Land, and IF they build more factories here -- They will likely be robotic, not requiring a cadre of racist white power to run.

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THE ARK CREATION MUSEUM... ONE OF MANY RE-WRITES IN PROCESS.

In the same vein, ETSY --  loosely defined as [A garage-sale of crafty crap scattered across a country lawn in a tornado], will be truly fucked when people have to pay double and a half for crafty junk they didn't need or want anyway. This goes for Dollar Stores, Harbor Freight, Farm and Fleet, and most cottage industries, held and adored by MAGA voters. This Sudden death is real, and the trickle-down of the stand-off will be epic.
The real fact is that MAGA's quiet enablers lack the fortitude to bear this burden. Former Dollar store shoppers, will be having a fuck-ton more rummage sales, bake sales, and the like, to make ends meet. So what happens when a steady stream of broken exercise equipment, and HSN debris stops flowing into 'Merica at below what it could possibly cost to produce?  What happens when his entire constituency run out of debris to decorate the lawn? Who will save them when they can no longer buy more cheap junk to decorate folding tables out front?  When there is nothing to feed the chickens with?

Archaeologists mostly uncover society's trash piles to reconstruct ancient cultures. Likewise it is an accurate method to get to know a trump voter parked on the shoulder to stroll their Yard Sale.  In a world where nobody cares much for history, "Proper Rummage" will elucidate his legacy, just before being burned along with any books about it.  In a sense, a 125% tariff on China is the most ecological leap of faith, a Republican lawmaker has ever made.

To believe that pulling a tariff lever will make naive consumers prefer shitty home spun brands to imports is bananas. Another classroom prank in the chaotic arsenal of a boy who never knew a consequence for stupid. 
Anyway... Who would purchase shitty trash, just because it's cheaper, more sugary, more disposable, tasteless, even orange, simply because it costs less... Hmm?
Well -- That trick ONLY works on "Stupid Americans".

​...So I suppose he may be right to keep his tiny hands on those levers.
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