Double Super Secret Probation
Today our favorite Dr. Evil, Vlad. (The-Impaler) Putin, said that E.U. Nations who now consider fast-tracking NATO membership "will be sorry". This strong threat coming from Russia's Dr. Crazy-kins... who previously said that he was invading Ukraine "until they pinky-promised they'd not join that damn Euro-club", seems to be a tad bit un-trustworthy.
...And yet they did..., Ukraine actually capitulated to Dr. Evil, saying they'd consider neutrality, if he'd only stop killing women and kids, but ______SIGH!_________ he went ahead and destroyed their schools and hospitals anyway. In light of such a dastardly dickhead's penchant for double-cross, I think it helps to remember that some jagoffs actually don't do what they promise, and they should not be taken at their word. In spite of all the bravado, and cold hearted stares, Putin is just like that other petulant childish dictator, Mr. Trumpistan. They are both their own sarcastic caricature.
As with any make-shift pact from my sordid youth, where a group of us kids formed an alliance, in-spite of a few hold-outs -- We'd later offer even the less willing, (the less desirable kids) membership, because -- Well... what good is it to go it alone?
Should The Norse Gods join Belarusian Lukashenko and Kazakhstan in the CSTO and band together with Russia against the evil aggressor USA?, or should they perhaps consider Joining a knitting circle? Ask yourselves, “What have the CSTO done for us lately?”
So Mr. Vlad. (The Impaler) Putin, what do you say...?, Don't you want to just lay down your fidgety arms and sign up with the NATO club? We have, um like this really great group, where we promise to look after each-other, even those with different fashion and alphabets -- And we all share cool gadgets, secrets, code-words, and handshakes & such. We even have meetings in cool castles, where we talk about the other un-cool kids, and sip bitter espresso.
Nah!... you Mr. Putin actually may not be cool enough.
Now all eyes are on Sweden and Finland, (and lord knows they are sexy)... As the Russian Fascists call it a "Grave Mistake" to consider membership to the cool-kid alliance, NATO promises to protect its members from bullies. Seems like a swell plan, if a bit late in the making, right? The laughable truth of this is that because a double-crosser (Putin) -- is never taken at their word -- What would the threat be to stylish Vikings to join the Klub? To saber rattle two Nordic Power Players, into submission under threat of punishment, is childish, even pedantic. What's Next? the threat of some "double super secret grounding" where we are forced to stay home and watch Fox News?, or worse our own racist Senate show up to take credit for diplomacy?
Look... Because The Evil Empire is still wreaking wanton destruction across Ukraine, in an effort to preclude them from joining "the gang", is it any wonder that they would reject any new "OR ELSE" threat, as meaningless, and without condition. Yes!... And Why not join NATO Now? Shit, we (the other evil empire) may even open the club to Asia, India, and African nations, as long as they pay the rent.
Welcome Sweden, and Finland and Ukraine to our little elitist club. And don't worry about the dues and uniform just yet... Or that bully Vladimir, because he is going to do whatever the fuck he wants anyway. So, you may just as well enjoy some cool-ass code-rings & cocktails with we Kool kids, before the Nukes fly.
As with my argument for M.A.D. (Mutually Assured Destruction), When the outcome is always the same, and the threats never match the behavior you are trying to control... then the persuasion will become a bit less of a promise, and more of request.
So again, Fuck Putin!, C'mon -- it's time to join the cool kid gang, and you are so missing out.
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Age and Treachery will overcome youth and skill.