What Is Toothpaste Actually For?

Toothpaste exists to drive people to madness.  Why else is an entire aisle dedicated to the same glop? If not to ruin your life?, and to foretell the end of days?, why are we doing this? Toothpaste is dedicated to making a shit-ton of money for massive detergent manufacturers.  You are their patsy, you have been all your life -- And YOU are falling for some strange symbolistic end of days puzzle, which proves that you have so very little time left on earth to make things right. 
You may wish to ask your psychic how this ends.  If you don't yet have a psychic, you could do a lot worse than to call Sondra.
There was a moment when Retail evolved into something lovely, rewarding, and elegant, c.1861, and then there was the moment when retail died. (Let's just say c.1994).  Of course Time Magazine did not decry the "Death of Retail", as iconically as God's Death... [q: "Is God Dead?" a:'Gott ist tot' ]  In a recent slumber party, Nietzsche told me that "they got that article all wrong", [and that] "The article [was] Missing the Point",  AND that [he'd] "prefer not to be quoted any more, just the same", [as a dead person of course...], and after all it was Time Magazine, (which is a rag) So I wont tarry with his legacy here. I woke in a fever substantial enough to finally kill my lingering nasal infection, which is how I know that I was winning the proverbial debate. Abrasive + Fluoride + Detergent = Toothpaste
Toothpaste has literally nothing to do with Nietzsche, nor does Nietzsche have anything to do with Toothpaste... However, The end is near and God IS in fact dead, and your toothpaste saw this all coming.
I have always been mediocre in all endeavors, with ZERO expertise in anything, and less in oral hygiene...  How could I know what the meaning of toothpaste really is for mortal earthlings, our galaxy, or the broader cosmos, except to say... ...Nothing -- Because Toothpaste is bullshit masquerading as patriotism.  Pure and simple toothpaste exists to drive people mad.  Do you really have sensitive teeth and gums? or does your angst with the state of the world make your teeth scream in anguish as you brush far too harshly?
A 2016 systematic clinical review indicated that using toothpaste when brushing the teeth does not necessarily impact the level of plaque removal.[7] However, (it was cited) [that] the active ingredients in toothpastes (fluoride) are 'able to' prevent dental diseases with regular use.[8]
I will say, as the bulbs dim in my ceiling cans, (so to speak) That it often becomes difficult to see with certainty that exact moment when something significant changes. Slow Decay, is something which nearly always appears irreversible, once we actually discover it's movement -- And far fewer people see it coming.  Generally, the Romans didn't see collapse coming, and indeed it took some time to happen... But for a few, who knew they would be dead well before everything went to shit -- Juvenal for example, saw it coming.   Alas "the end is nigh" sandwich boards wouldn't come into fashion for a dozen centuries hence. ...And Juvenal was a satirical poet, so nobody listened to him.  Anyway his acid tongue would not have been tamed with any dentifrice (toothpaste). We all saw that pollution was going to soon account for Asthma, Allergies, Cancers, and many more health complications,  but we preferred our cars to caring about Climate, and health. So why would anyone second guess oral care's effect upon mental health? When it comes to preventing our own destruction, why even bother with Toothpaste? Lest we digress into discussing corollary climate related destruction, Pollution, Toxins, & micro-plastics...,  (also in your toothpaste). For every bullet we seem to dodge, (so to speak) -- There was someone who'd yelled "Duck!", and another round in flight, before you'd flinched the first.
Recently -- I'd also gotten worked up about the unfathomable variety of Deodorant at the corner drug. This is only slightly less confounding than Toothpaste, but because my local stores keep deodorant locked-up behind Lexan Doors, I'd never given this assortment too much thought, (if only because it's such a challenge to purchase roll-on, locked up like Jewelry). Dare I beg to sniff one before I buy it? -- I think I will just go without deodorant.
​If you are losing your religion right about now, you are not alone; hold fast because there is perhaps some squishy wisdom from the toothpaste aisle, but not much. It is a dark  Prediction which may help a wee bit, as we slide off this tilted saucer on an oversized glop of toothpaste. We'd seen it all coming, and perhaps repositioned our bodies to land upon someone less fortunate.
So there is this campy radio Advert. in constant loop amongst mattress ads, and Injury attorneys for "California Psychics" and their golden throated announcer with a western whistler as a soundtrack, explains that some states are great for commerce, others for  banking and such, but if you want a clairvoyant person you need to call someone in California...  They also end their AD reading by saying, "If your experience with "California Psychics is NOT life changing -- Then it is free..."  HMM.... well...
I'm not saying that the fluoride will kill you, but that Toothpaste and making "the right" decision on which model, is a serious talisman of societies' unwinding.
So, What is Toothpaste Actually For? It's for cleaning your mouth right? OKAY!.. Alright. 

But. perhaps you've strolled down the toothpaste aisle, and not even considered why there is a "Toothpaste Aisle".  I wanted to say in full daylight of our dimming future -- that the size and complexity of the Toothpaste aisle is inversely proportional to a culture's advancement, regardless of it's general oral health.. Toothpaste is just dandy! OK? It's unchanged composition, and excessive variety will foretell the imminent demise of all who'd frequent this pasty orgy. I've never heard a radio ad for California Toothpaste, but if it came with the same "Life-Changing" guarantee... Then that would be the brand for me, I suppose.
My grandparents had a full set of dentures by my current age, but I would not call my mouth a win for oral hygiene. And you could guess my age, not by my teeth, but because I listen to terrestrial Radio at home, and in the car. My Grandparent's rapid decay rest upon my beloved grandmother's second-shift job, working on the line of a candy factory for a decade.  If it hit the floor, it was free -- And the cost per calorie in their generation (when there were perhaps three loathsome tooth-paste options available) -- meant that candy would supplement their income in at least two ways -- Flouride be damned.  But they drank tea.  Lots of tea, and black and green tea has more Fluoride than most Toothpaste, so it's fair to say that the Toothpaste couldn't save them then, and it wont save you now.
Regardless of the mid-century ubiquity of Minty Toothpicks, Fluoride, Mouth-wash, floss, etc... one's pearly white enamel can only defend it's castle for so long -- and then the crown crumbles beneath wint-o-green, and butterscotch hard candy.
So today we have better teeth, (perhaps) but diabetes will get you if the tooth-ache does not.
Anyway -- Fluoridation in tap water, ground water, and even tea is so ubiquitous, that it circles back to... What is Tooth-Paste really for?, if not for making gobs of profit for Detergent Marketers.  If you had to invent the perfect widget, with the lowest cost to produce, and the highest margin/consumption rate... I dare say, it may be simply: chalky paste, fluoride, and  flavoring.  (Fluoride [Fluorite CaF2] is the 13th most abundant element on earth).... And yet nobody even considers it's ubiquity, when mixed with Calcium Carbonate, Limestone and AKA Chalk [CaCO3], another uber abundant and cheap component, a paste is formed and mixed with flavoring to make you salivate, but the brushing is your salvation and not the toothpaste aisle.
Fluoride (/ˈflʊəraɪd, ˈflɔːr-/)[3] is an inorganic, monatomic anion of fluorine, with the chemical formula F− (also written [F]−), and, it is essentially a white and colorless salt. There is almost as much fluoride in Green Tea, as a pea-sized dab of toothpaste, right?
So when we begin our California Psychic session, we've already fed a certain amount of data into the "Life-Changing" machine.  Name, Address, Credit Card, and from a few data points one can extract a rather large sample to base-line who's calling.  What I wanted to know specifically and not from a mid-western psychic, was, "whether the end was Nigh and whether Toothpaste contributes (if not) to our unwinding, but then as predictor of our imminent doom".  So I called California to get a base-line on how the Paste Aisle would save/destroy humanity.
And... Don't get me started with Hummus (ous) or Hommous... and IF we are all bound to an exaggerated wordsmith lexicography whereby Three ingredient pastes have culturally sensitive mis-spellings, then we have some soul searching to do before rounding the corner into Yogurt (ghort)... Surely misspelled... and finally into the psychic nourishment of the Frozen Pizza aisle. Whereas variety was once the spice of life, it  now foretells doom and destruction. Here is How.
If everyone you know buys toothpaste, and everyone opens their mind long enough to consider it's constituent parts, then any school-age child (psychic or not) could conclude that the packaging, and then perhaps the flavor profile decided their preference. All of the rest of the marketing is perhaps residual bull-shit.
Have a look at the spin. Toothpaste needn't be applied in a long glob the size of a mature caterpillar, the instructions indicate a "Pea-sized" amount. There is no technical reason that it comes patriotically spiraled, or has "Flavor Crystals" -- There is no upside to an advanced abrasive, baking soda, or "More Whitening"  -- As fluoride and scrubbing are it's only real scientific attributes, and one was more or less disproven. Fluoride itself is used to create Hydrogen Peroxide, and you could simply swish & gargle with some flavorless peroxide to whiten you teeth. Nobody should give two shits about which, or what brand they choose, because it is that  simple -- Toothpaste has but three components: paste, fluoride, and flavoring. The question of what toothpaste is for, has been answered by every dentist, and nearly everyone acknowledges that it may be a good idea.  So we go along with the seemingly logarithmic charade of choice. The fractal fluoride aisle is so staggering in it's complexity as to cause paralysis for many upon entering the "Choice silo" If there were only two or three models, you would be happy?
This was going to be my first question for the "California Psychic".
There is however derision on the topic of flossing. Floss cannot be made sexy, tasty, nor enjoyable by elaborate marketing spin. Flossing is innately masochistic, quite boring, and loathsome. Depending upon your mood, Toothpaste, like gum or deodorant, can be personalized even tasty. Lest we forget, that it is always the same basic shit:  Paste, Fluoride, Flavor... And Floss is just string.
Variety, and we are not discussing chips or beer, but Toothpaste -- Can reach a point where deciding causes angst, regret, even disappointment.  It is fair to say that too many choices exist. If Toothpaste were organized hierarchically such that there were a 'clear favorite', or 'best option' presented with some secondary/ tertiary choices... Then we would not fret, nor regret our selection. But nearly all toothpaste is now packaged in glossy, metallic, foiled and  patriotic cartons of red white & blue.  You are doing the right thing selecting nearly anything except for those "Natural" ones. In fact if you ignore "Tom's" you are still doing your proud nation a favor with nearly any other choice. OH!, sorry I almost forgot, about the latest dark-side lunacy -- Charcoal.  Charcoal, the Yang to Baking Soda's Yin, is a sordid ebony and ivory love story and neither really matters to your mouth.  If you've thought the better of using Charcoal on your arm-pits, whilst wearing a white oxford, then why would you brush with it?  If you were born before 1980 then you would recall a time when Baking soda was NOT marketed as beneficial to everything you'd consume. You simply used it for baking and perhaps some household clean-up. You are going to be fine; IF you could just steer clear of this toothpaste aisle, and all of it's hellish demands. 
My next question for my "California Psychic" was, "Am I using the right toothpaste?" Am I doing this right?
How difficult is the actual act of deciding? The menace of toothpaste whitens, polishes, and sodium mono-fluorophosphate binds atomically (radioactively) to your teeth enamel, bones, and is generally then pissed out within 24 hours.
Fluorine is the 13th-most abundant element in the Earth's crust It is widely dispersed in nature, not entirely in the form of fluorides via the toothpaste aisle, but in loads of natural stuff.
How much do you actually know about your preferences? Does anyone do research on the package claims?: "1000% Whiter Teeth in Just 7 Days", "Noticeably Whiter Teeth in One Brushing", "Restores Enamel", "Lowers Sensitivity", "Freshens Breath All Day Long", "Works while you Sleep" "Includes Carbon Offsets", "With Charcoal" (for some unknown reason) "With Burnt Logs Inside", "For Sensitive Fuckers"...  But will toothpaste actually get you laid?
What is the real goal here?  Brush Brush. 

Green Tea has nearly as much fluoride as your toothpaste, and a liter of tea can reach the Maximum daily fluoride intake.  Anyway Fluoride is a neurotoxin, so how much is good? and when have you had too much? Does this factor in your decision to get jacked on fluoride.
Straight from the NIH:
"Each increase by 0.5 mg/L in the water-fluoride concentration was associated with a decrease by 8.8 IQ points in the children who had been formula-fed in the first six months of life." Which explains some of my own issues... You are welcome.  But don't worry because it is not the Fluoride which will kill you, it is the abundance of choice. You are simply not wired for this many options of the same fucking thing.
So... I'm sort of right here -- That Toothpaste is sort of bad.  Too much of anything... And, Everything in moderation, right?
Yep, I know what  you are thinking... It's not your fault that you and your kid are having trouble deciding on what brand neurotoxin, you'd prefer. Perhaps you've reached your Recommended Daily Allowance already, and are just entering that dreaded tunnel. But seriously, all of this has been studied to death, and you will be OKAY once you find the right toxic combo for you, even if you've become so retarded as to select Charcoal, and its slimy comrade, Baking Soda to juice up your freshening routine.  What you are still sure to struggle with, is WHICH ONE? ...And the existential even  Nietzschean question of Why?
God may not be dead, and anyway, you will not need her by your side for this Sisyphean drama.
Researchers have found that some ways of measuring the negative impact of too many fucking choices upon decision-making -- (They seem to be less reliable than others)... Namely, perhaps that the most dramatic measure of decision confusion — "paralysis", or the likelihood of someone simply refusing to make any decision whatsoever —is “wildly erratic” across the range of studies and scenarios.  Toothpaste is that exact quagmire.  It is simple stuff, but it is killing us softly, willingly. 
"MY" California Psychic (Sondra), said that I was not likely really channeling Nietzsche. She told me that, "Toothpaste was not innately evil", "but that my angst was perhaps fraught with the scale and menace of too many damned choices", "That I would not directly die from Fluoride, hunny...", and then she gave me the number for a "California Psychiatric" service.  She'd predicted that, "Once I actually made a few choices of preferred: Toothpaste, Deodorant, Hummus, Yogurt, and the like", "that [I'd] likely just stick to that brand, and [I'd] be OK", "but" she conceded [that] "Therapy was not really her thing..."
Anyway she, (Sondra, my psychic) said [I] "...should avoid the toothpaste aisle altogether", and candy too". and she knew that My grandmother worked in a Candy Factory, even knew which one... and she also knew that My mother recently passed away with all of her teeth, and that she was quite indecisive...  She also said that I "had a cute blonde dog", and I'd supposed that all of that was likely out on the internet someplace... Except for the bit about my Grandma's second job, and her dentures... which was weird.
I have to decide now whether her consult was "Life Changing", But I suppose I have some decisions to make first.

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